I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
