Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
