I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He passed out mid-signature
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
