It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
