I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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