fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
