I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
