He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We need to get me chipped asap
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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