If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
