I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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