some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Randomize
