capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
