At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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