i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Randomize
