You smell like stripper and shame
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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