I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
