You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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