make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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