My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
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Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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