ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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