so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
soo... how was my night?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
