About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
