I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
