Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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