we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
