This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
