I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
