I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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