i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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