We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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