wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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