That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
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Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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