My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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