Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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