Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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