i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
