So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
