I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
