we're blogging at a bar
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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