There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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