You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
