i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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