you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
