Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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