If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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