Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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