Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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