i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
