My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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