i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
