I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
