The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
