I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
