Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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