So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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