dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
