I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
