Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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