I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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