Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
