so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
