I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My cat gives me a boner
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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