do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
