Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
