i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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