im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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