Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
