She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
