Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
