brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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