so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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